good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
