Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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