it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
