problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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