To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Randomize