bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
