She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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