whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize