I am puke
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
