I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
