I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
