...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
