No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
