Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
