my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
