i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
