So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
