she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
