we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
