I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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