I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The air was thick with penises
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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