You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize