He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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