I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Randomize
