he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
