she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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