is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
