Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
