hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
