idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize