GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize