Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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