I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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