Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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