My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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