how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
