Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
