I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
