She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
