12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
