what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
