How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
