i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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