If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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