Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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