OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
