youre lurking in front of me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I see more hoeing in ur future
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
