You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
