it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
