Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
