Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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