I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Couch. On fire.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
