dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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