so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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