He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
