dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
