My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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