I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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