im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
