he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
