he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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