I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
