I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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