She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
