i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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