the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
