cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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