I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize