remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
