Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Boobs are out for the taking
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
