this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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