yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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