Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
