We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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