A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
