i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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