I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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