i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
