I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
