Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
