Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
