whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
