Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
