You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
