I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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