She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
