are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
