He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize