I want to make a zoo with you.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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