An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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