You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
