No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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