im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
