He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
